A world of fakes when the heart needs a jewel

Something that a friend of mine has been going through lately, has gotten me to think about things I've had to deal with myself. Some of them have happened way in the past while others somewhat recently. Of course, on this topic I believe it is an unfortunate thing that happens constantly throughout life. Sooner or later we will learn who are friends truly are.

Now, before I start getting into this blog full blown, let me make something clear. Sometimes, paths will part with people and we will lose touch. Lives become separated through miles, careers, marriages, kids, and personal growth. This does NOT mean these people were not your friends (or that you weren't their friend). Let's be realistic; we can't keep in touch with ALL of our friends for our ENTIRE lives. There ARE some friends that no matter the miles, marriage, career or kids, we keep in touch. These friends are blessings beyond blessings. These friends are truly gifts from God : pure gold in a world of brass.

With that thought aside: let me begin. Isn't it amazing how "friends" will come out of the woodwork when you appear to be a benefit to them? Make them more popular. Give them money, food, clothes or other items. Benefit the activities in which THEY are involved or help them in THEIR times of need. Some will be your "friend" because others appear to like you and they don't want to be left out of that circle. Whatever the circumstance, these "friends" scatter like leaves in the wind as soon as you quit attributing to them and their lives. You no longer give them things (be it you started to see through them or just weren't able to anymore), you are no longer involved in their activities (thus benefiting them by aiding in THEIR interests/goals), or you are no longer the "hot topic" in school/church/extra activities/etc...

You call and they don't answer. You ask them to meet you for dinner or come to a party and lame excuses pour out of their mouths. Or the worst yet - you now need them because of a tough time in your life and they just don't want to be "inconvenienced."

"What's the big deal?" you might ask. "This is a just a life lesson that is repeatedly learned throughout the years," you might say. To a certain degree you are right. With each period of our lives, each new place we move, new school we attend, or job we work there will be a sort of "weeding" process in which we will make TRUE friends and discover those that were surface. And, like I mentioned toward the beginning of this blog, sometimes our paths just naturally part and it doesn't mean our friendship wasn't real. Some people are meant to be in our lives for just a short time...enough to leave their footprint forever.

Here's where I take issue with this whole "life lesson" : it runs rampant in the church. Oh how quickly we flock to the "new" member excited that they have graced our pews. We invite them to dinners, we go to their parties (or invite them to ours), and coax them into joining any and all volunteer opportunities that flood the bulletin boards. We do this for various reasons.
1) the excitement of a new person in our midst
2) the possibility that they will contribute to our tithes and offerings thus helping the church budget (sick, but oh so true)
3) the awesome thought that they will fill an empty spot on the volunteer log
4) or we don't want to be left out of the circle that surrounds them for the above reasons

There is a small group that TRULY want to meet them, get to know them, and be their friend...even if they never volunteer, put money in the plate, or even if they leave our pews and grace another. To those of you out there...THANK YOU! Thank you from the bottom of my heart. I am grateful for the WONDERFUL examples you have been in my life. I am grateful that you have been true examples of Christ's love to strangers and friendship with people. I thank you for myself but also for those out there that bear the hurt of fake "friends."

For those that don't fall into the small group mentioned above : true colors always show after a while. When the person no longer is the "new thing," the "friends" start to fade and the unsuspecting victims find themselves sitting alone, their phone no longer rings, and invitations fade. If they don't volunteer (or volunteer enough to satisfy those around them) or their checkbook doesn't open, the "friends" start to think that maybe this new person won't benefit them after all. What happens? You guessed it...the poor unsuspecting victim is once again alone.

You REALLY want to see "friends" scatter? Try no longer attending their church!! You take a job where you have to work Sundays, you change to a different church that is closer or you go somewhere else you feel God is leading you, or (worse yet) you struggle with your faith and find it hard walking through the doors. Call the "friends" and find your calls going to voicemail. Send them texts or emails and wait for the response...for weeks (or never get a reply). Invite them to hang out with you and get lame excuses as to why they can't. Devastatingly, find out they are now gossiping behind your back as to why you no longer go there and how they think you made a huge mistake (because, you know...they know what you should do with your life and it is go where they go and do what they do).

For the strong Christian these can still be tough situations that can break the heart and make you question God as to why you should keep trying when it seems all others gave up long ago. But, what breaks my heart, is those that no longer want to deal with churches (or God) because of the disgusting representation those people gave of Christ. What part of Christ is attractive to them when those that are SUPPOSED to represent His love don't care to put effort into loving others? We wonder why our numbers are dwindling when we haven't learned to love the few still willing to come to Him!

Wake up so called followers! Quit being lazy! Quit being selfish! Get OUT of your circle and LOVE LOVE LOVE!!!! Guess what? TRUE friendship TAKES EFFORT! TRUE friendship TAKES TIME! TRUE friendship will have times of laughter and fun, but will also bring trials and tears...and true friends will BE THERE THROUGH IT ALL!!! Think of how YOU would want to be treated and have the courtesy and heart to treat others the same way. Better yet...go over and beyond how you would want to be treated. Reach out to the shunned and broken...and not just for the five minutes you had to spare. DO IT when it's really not convenient for you. KEEP GOING when tough times come. DON'T RUN when their life falls apart or they no longer make you laugh because they are facing hard times. DO NOT just leave them a voice message or text telling them you're there for them if you hear they need help or are hurting...SHOW UP ON THEIR DOORSTEP!!!! (let me be blunt here...it doesn't take two brain cells to rub together to know that somebody facing a hard time emotionally, physically or otherwise may not have the guts to admit they need help and won't return that phone call or text. But, they would LOVE to hear a knock on their door! So, for those out there that think a phone call or text is enough...I pity the one brain cell you have.) DO NOT try and see how they can "benefit" you or your organization. LOVE THEM FOR WHO THEY ARE...not what they can do. I DARE YOU. Do this and I can guarantee you that people will really start to see the love of Christ. When that happens more will COME TO CHRIST!

Dedicated to those that have been there, worn the scars of too many "fake friends" and given up. Don't give up...there ARE true friends out there. Keep weeding through the imitations and you WILL find a jewel. I pray the jewels finds you before too long. You know who you are...